06 January 2007

faith, vows and children.

My friend Flick told me yesterday about a friend of hers who repeats her marriage vows to her husband on the 22nd of every month (the date they got married), regardless of how faithful (or not) they may be feeling to them at the moment. This struck me as immensely beautiful. Not necessarily the marriage context. But this action of speaking out against our brains, or rather, in spite of our brains in any given moment. Our minds are so constantly distracted and chattering and concerned with the whims of now now now, which could be the product of anything from indigestion to an ill-timed comment, that there is something about stopping for a moment to repeat words that represent a greater truth.
Then we were talking about this relative to children. That most adults seem better able to bypass criticisms and self-absorbed whims of the moment when speaking with kids. It's rare to hear an adult say to a child "what *I* want is more important than what you want" or "I don't like you" (in the heat of a moment) or things like that.
Alot of us know when children are anxious, or when they need to hear something. When talking to a kid, it's easier to recognize when they are fearful or in pain or need attention.
If we dealt with other adults more often as if they were still children (proverbially speaking), I imagine we would get much further with each other. And be kinder, and perhaps even more honest.


Scott said...

When Derek Jarman was asked to wed two boys he thought he'd approach the matter sensibly: he had them stand and look into each other's eyes and slowly count in unison from 1 to 100. If for any reason they ever wished to part ways, all they had to do was the same thing, counting backwards.

steflenk said...

Oh.My.Gods. I Love that So much. Not that I am Remotely surprised. thank you mister Jarman.

shan said...

i rather like the biblical practice of two people holding onto one another's balls during the declaration of any kind of vow. what did the women do, i wonder? perhaps a bit of extra-biblical nipple tweaking?

steflenk said...

Oh My Goodness. Given both of these, I think this might warrant some research into the nature of vows or ritual or something. SOME sort of project. Who knew!! Ball grabbing declarations! Ha Wow!